evolving out of friendships & eliminating FOMO

*Disclaimer - you can evolve out of romantic relationships and family relationships too, this article can apply to evolvement out of any types of relationships. I see you, I feel you, I’m sorry <3

“When we evolve out of friendships we are evolving out of an old version of ourselves” -unknown

This is a heavy topic for me, as I am feeling this right now in my life and have felt it subtly on and off for a long time. Not only have I felt sad, angry, guilty, and lonely at times but I have also felt some serious FOMO as I see old friends doing things or people I used to have similar circles with surrounded by friends.

But the truth is that I know they are on a lower vibration than I am now. Not better, not in an arrogant sense, just a different level and way of life. My evolvement has started to move really fast last year when COVID hit, and my friendships started falling away like heavy rocks in the sky. Some of them without me even trying.

Becoming sober alone has eliminated like 90% of the people in my old life. And now I know they’re out there at the bars, surrounded by other people - I’m an extrovert so I miss that aspect - with their friends having a good old time. But deep down I feel that bars are just trauma-bonding sites these days. A place where you can go to be alone yet around tons of people. Be down about your life and know there will be at least one person there who will ask you what’s wrong and let you talk about it, almost like a tipsy therapist of sorts that gives you attention and makes you feel better.

I digress!

Here are some tips, tricks, and realizations I’ve picked up along the way when it comes to FOMO and evolving out of old relationships.

Make your life so damn good that you never feel FOMO again

I’m serious. Pick up new hobbies, take a spiritual path, get deep into self-awareness, research new things, try out Tarot cards or sensory deprivation float tanks or gardening. Write in your journal and get all those feelings out that you are feeling so that they don’t get stuck in your body, aura, or mind.

Be with your animals, take them outside. Go into nature and hike or camp. Take a solo roadtrip and see how truly fun it really is, you may meet some new friends along the way. Throw yourself into your business or new ideas and see how addicting that can become. Make your house super zen and cozy, learn about Feng Shui on Pinterest and YouTube. I know we should change how we feel on the inside, but sometimes some changes on the outside really influence our inside world. DO the things that you really want to do and make your life so much fun that you never feel like you are missing out with certain people not in your life anymore. If it helps, make a list of all your hobbies and favorite things for you to look at and come back to. Fill up the entire page.

Some things that have really helped me with this is staying consistent with my rituals and practices; focusing immensely on myself. Like my yoga, meditation, reading, journaling, baths, cooking and staying healthy. Buying fresh herbs, making candles with essential oils and dried flowers, trying out new books, building my business and website, creating my own Meetup group for women who are into spirituality, watching really entertaining TV shows, playing with my first Oracle card deck.

You can find what works for you, but get to know your new self, see what you like, what you want to learn, places you want to go. Don’t be sad and sit around, I promise it won’t help. I’m all about feeling and processing our emotions in order to honor and release them, but after that get up and do something! Whether it be fun, active, relaxing, or self-soothing and self-comforting.

Become very very very very very comfortable with being alone

I could honestly not stress thing enough. If you can be truly alone, like single - or not single I suppose - and just enjoy your own company by knowing yourself and doing things that you enjoy, you have a COLOSSAL advantage in life. We are very much taught to depend on other people and that we need other people in our lives. I do agree with that to a certain degree. I think that community and human connection are crucial, but if we can get by temporarily without those because we are on a progressive, upwards path, then we will do just fine in the loneliest of times.

Also realize that you are never truly alone. The Universe or God or whatever you resonate with is always here. You always have that, you always have spiritual growth, you always have yourself. That will never, ever change. Everything else in life is subject to change, but the universe, your growth, and having yourself is comforting because it will never, ever go away.

Embracing solitude can seem scary at first, but it gets so much easier each time you do it. Sometimes you won’t want to do it and that’s okay. Just like we can’t always count on being motivated but we do the things we said we’d do anyway. The more you are alone, the easier it gets, the stronger you become on all levels. It’s similar to meditating or slowing down the mind, initially we may not want to do it, but afterwards we are so glad we did and that fuels the desire to want to do it again and again; it feeds into itself.

Embrace some familiar (or new) healing & releasing modalities to aid you in this transition

Some healing and releasing modalities may be in store for you if you are pretty down. So check out some wonderful healing forms such as energy healing, Reiki healing, crystal therapy healing, massages, acupressure, acupuncture, journaling it out, dancing in your living room, going into nature, sitting in silence, guided or not guided meditations, self-reflection, hiring a life coach, seeing a therapist for a bit, reading books, adopting an animal or leaning emotionally on your animals, the Hawiian H’oponono forgiveness exercise, crying right when you feel sad emotions coming on, or any other things that bring you solace and comfort. Be thankful for those you have left and be thankful for you. This strength you are building by having all of this alone time will serve you so so well going forward and it will also set you up to not have to settle again for less than you deserve friendships.

Drop the resistance to holding on, you know you need to let go, so trust and let go

But I want to take them with me, I thought. But I feel so bad, I also thought. I can’t just end 7 years of friendship like this. I’m so comfortable with her though. I’ll never have this much history with a new best friend. I feel like we have nothing to bond over now. Am I really thinking that I’m just too good for this friendship and maybe I’m just in my ego right now? But I’ve already let go of so many people… I feel so bad for hurting her. I think she knows I am backing away, wow I feel bad, maybe I should apologize…

These are all thoughts that have crossed my mind when I have resisted the letting go part. Do any of them sound familiar to you? I hope so, I hope you can relate. Because you are not alone. I haven’t heard many people talk about this topic and the emotional repercussions of it but here I am wanting to share the depths of my heart with you, and to remind you to NOT resist letting go.

If you truly feel resistance in the relationship coming up, let go. If you find you have hardly anything in common anymore, let go. If you have nothing much to talk about or do together, let go. If you feel they are mistreating you, let the fuck go. If you feel like they are super self-centered and don’t really seem to deeply care about you or others, let go. Let go and do not look back, do not justify it, do not say sorry. Maybe nothing really has to be said. My recent life coach told me that sometimes when friendships are ending like this a big blowout is not necessary. What will really come out of it that’s conducive if you tell your friends what’s going on? Or if you tell them that you don’t feel a connection with them anymore or that you are in alignment with them anymore? Or maybe you do want to be upfront and honest thinking that maybe they like that you helped them be more self-aware and maybe they can work on themselves.

But don’t waste your energy trying to take them with you, my life coach reminded me. Rising by yourself is already such a feat on its own, it will be too much weight to bear to bring someone along with you.

Try not to resist the letting go. Only YOU know in your heart of hearts if it’s really time to let go, I cannot tell you when to do it. You will just know. And your mind and heart will instantly and automatically fight back and say no, but don’t resist this. It is inevitable that these bonds and ties will collapse, and holding on will just cause more and more tension and difference; like opposing magnets that become more and more opposed.

Find ways to meet new friends actively OR patiently await for them to be attracted to you

You could write down a list of all the attributes you want in a friend and all the places you may run into them. You could start your own Meetup group and go do fun things with brand new people. You could go to yoga at the park, trips by yourself, find friends on social media in the various ways there are to do that, reach out to them and send them a message you’d be surprised. Don’t become attached to the outcome of finding new people right away, but I would advise to make your life and your relationship with yourself really good, and then maybe work on finding new friends, those in alignment with you, those who are searching for you too. An amazing quote I felt inspired to leave you with;

Start or join a Meetup Group!!

This is how I found my entire new tribe of spiritual, adventurous women who I absolutely adore and feel that get me on a deeper level. I started a Meetup group for spiritual, outdoorsy women. If you’re local to Boise, check out Spiritual Soul Sisters!

“When you step towards what you want, what you want steps towards you”

I hope you loved this article.