anger from the mother wound appearing in relationships - a new way to look at it
Anger
Anger is usually - in my experience - always present with women who have the mother wound. But it is a very subtle anger, one that we all seem to keep hidden, as if we are worried everyone else will think we are a horrible or crazy if we let it out. But what is suppressed will eventually be expressed, whether in healthy ways or unhealthy ways; such as an explosion of emotions.
*Side note; anger can be found from other wounds as well of course, not just with our mothers. This article can help with anger stemming from any roots.
I think this anger can teach us something. I think that speaking up about this anger, sharing this anger can be empowering. Owning up to our shadow and what we are working on makes us feel and become more authentic, more true to ourselves and our journey.
Because when we hide it, it feels uncomfortable, it feels like we are being a fake. It builds like pressure in a teapot kettle, waiting to erupt. There are healthy ways to get this anger out, and healthy ways to communicate when we feel this anger - one of the best ways is waiting until we have calmed down before we talk about what was angering us for the consideration of other’s feelings.
I don’t know about you, but I see many women in relationships who are so quick to anger - sometimes even myself.
This could stem from mother wounds, father wounds, or other past wounds from relationships. I personally believe that we are hanging on to these old wounds and projecting them onto our current partners. Which isn’t fair since our current partners are not any of our past partners or parents. Unless I suppose if we are choosing the same type of person over and over again while unconsciously avoiding the lessons we were supposed to learn.
Two important thoughts come to mind on this topic;
Healing on all levels from past wounds; spiritually, energetically, emotionally, and physically to cleanse out any residual energies from past partners or ways you lost/betrayed yourself in past romantic and/or family relationships. I find that energetic and spiritual cleansing has been insanely powerful. Reiki and Pranic healing have especially made a huge difference in my life. *Master Stephen Co has Facebook and Youtube lives three times per week at 11am mountain time with free pranic energy healing and meditations on various topics. Also sensory deprivation float tanks can be very cleansing. Master Stephen Co Pranic Energy Healing; https://www.facebook.com/MasterStephenCo
Another great way to release, let go, and forgive is the H’opoponono Hawaiian forgiveness exercise where you write 25-50+ specific situations where you need to forgive someone or yourself. As you write each scenario, play the video memories out in your head of how you felt and feel all those emotions again now but only for a few seconds and then release those emotions otherwise the ego and thoughts will take the story and run with it - ruining your day. Then say or write to the situation, and maybe to the person too if you’d like, “thank you, I’m sorry, I forgive you, I love you”. *Thank you Yoga with Kassandra and Kathrin Zenkina for this forgiveness exercise discovery.
Dead sea salt baths, smudging, aura cleansing with crystals, restorative yoga, meditation, yoga nidra, yin yoga, going out in nature, loving your animals, exercising in any form, sports, hobbies, Reiki healing, acupuncture, acupressure, all of these are ways we can heal, ways we can let go, ways we can come back to the present moment. Ways we can cleanse, clear, and quiet our minds and bodies. Since our minds after all are the origin of our thoughts and our thoughts create our emotions. We can’t forget that the body also holds onto things as well. So moving it, detoxing it, healing it, giving it both movement and stillness is very powerful for us. You can of course play around and see what healing, releasing, forgiveness modalities and exercises are more effective.When we judge other angry women we are noticing anger within ourselves; I honestly catch myself thinking sometimes, “wow she seems like an angry person” when my boyfriend tells me about his friend’s girlfriend who’s always mad when he’s late or when he works too much, etc. Or when the wife is chewing out the husband next door in their yard. I get quick to judge and angered, while feeling bad for the person it’s being taken out on. Then I snap myself out of that thinking and apply it to myself - I see some anger in myself in similar types of situations that I can work on.
Channel the anger into something else; it can be whatever you choose. Whether it is a workout, a business, going to the shooting range, taking a self-defense course, a hike, a drive, a hobby, whatever it is it’s good to transmute and release it. This is of course very customizable and depends on the person so try a few things and see what works for you.
“What we see in others, we see in ourselves” - this can be the good and the bad. Other people are such good mirrors to us to show us how we are being. Strangers, friends, but especially romantic partners. Sometimes it’s not that we don’t like our partners or agree with their behavior, but sometimes it’s that we don’t like the feedback we are getting about ourselves and our own behavior because we don’t like ourselves or our shadow.
It’s such a good practice because it is a really quick way to become more self-aware. Of course we have expectations in relationships and such but if we get mad at our partners that often I think it’s time to turn within and ask ourselves why we are angry and why we are allowing so much of our own emotions to be dependent on our partners. Ask yourself why as many times as you need to until you get to the ultimate root cause type of answer, you will know when you’ve gotten to it.
Our reactions, our emotions, are technically our own responsibility and not anybody else’s. Sure people have an effect on us of course, especially our boyfriends and husbands, but to really let it ruin our happiness and make us mad that often? It’s not fair to do to someone and it’s not fair to do to ourselves.
There is so much stigmatism around angry girlfriends and wives.
Ball and chain, putting men in the dog house, being passive aggressive, being ‘in trouble', all of these things seriously stress men the hell out and are not good for the women involved either. Can you imagine if your boyfriend was angry with you often to the point where you were walking on eggshells? I can.
I was once in a relationship like that with a man who did not unconditionally love me or accept me for who I was. I was always worried I was going to make him angry by just living my life. I could never do exactly what he wanted because then I would not have a life, friends, the job I had, or any of my hobbies and interests. He was taking away from me because he did not create a good enough life for himself in order to simply share his with mine. And sometimes we can be on the other side of that coin.
“She’s so sweet but she’s actually also a crazy/mean/angry person under the surface/when she drinks/when she’s alone with her partner”. Let’s drop the anger and judgement in us women when it comes to our lovers and other women. Is it really them that is making us angry? Or is there more under the surface? Are we angry with others from our past? Angry at our pain? Angry with ourselves? Or how we may have been abandoned, emotionally and/or physically abused in the past?
Or perhaps it’s that we don’t have enough going on, or are not happy enough with our own lives that we are overly invested in the lives of our partners.
If we allow our anger to come through and analyze it, see the root of it and where it is coming from, while venturing into any healing modalities, I think we can eradicate this anger and have a fresh clean slate with our lovers and ourselves. Owning up to this anger can be scary, it can be saddening, and ironically it can sometimes make you angry. Sometimes we’ll be quick to blame. “My mom made me like this, betrayal hardened me, I can’t trust anyone”, there could be a million excuses and a million opportunities to blame others for this anger. But the truth is, your life is happening now, and those events are in the past. So let them fade into the past by whatever means necessary. Then see if the anger keeps coming back again and again in relationships. Because I’m betting it won’t.
A few wonderful videos on unconditional love;
How to Love Unconditionally - Lisa Nichols
Unconditional Love (How to Love Unconditionally) - Teal Swan
My relationship success playlist;
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLe3MdQZTsER_4q71TsDSzceBKoeGKh0ma
I hope you loved this article.
