We Are In A Relationship with All That Is

Everything in our lives, technically, we are in a relationship with. 

Be it ourselves, our money, our routines, our soul, our spirituality, our practices and routines, our clothes, our abilities, our bodies, our minds, our hearts, our eating habits, our holistic health, our businesses, our animals, our healing, our core beliefs, the universe, nature, food, - everything.

When we start to see things this way it opens up an opportunity to create a loving atmosphere for all of these areas to grow, to be paid attention to, to be respected; as if they are actual beings.

We can get into flow and harmony with all of these areas of our lives. Of course not permanently, because honestly inconsistency is at times inevitable but consistency of jumping back on the wagon doesn’t have to be. I do not personally believe that we can be perfect all the time or expect ourselves to, but we can decide to care about ourselves enough to give ourselves what we want and need. If you think about it, everything in life is subject to change. The only things that are permanent and certain are our spiritual growth, our soul, and the Universe (teachings from Master Stephen Co).

When it comes to our mind, our thoughts, they are truly the source of everything in our lives. We can get into the habit of cultivating healthy thoughts - while at the same time allowing ourselves to feel and process emotions that arise in healthy ways as opposed to suppressing them or shaming them simply because they aren’t positive thoughts.

So from this viewpoint we can lean into the comfort of the fact that we always have ourselves. No matter what else in life may change. And if we can start to create a loving, healthy, holistic relationship with ourselves, especially with our mindset and thoughts, this will naturally trickle out into all other areas of our lives and drastically improve them. 

THE SOURCE OF EVERYTHING IN OUR LIVES

What do I mean when I say everything arises from the mind? 

From our thoughts arise our emotions. From our emotions arise our actions. From our actions arise habits, patterns, beliefs, projections, and a lot of other things. The relationship we have with ourselves can be healthy, unhealthy, inconsistent, disrespectful, self-betraying, and downright toxic. Or, it can be loving, patient, compassionate, grateful, and offer many opportunities for course correction when it comes to negative self talk and self treatment.

HOW AM I IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH MYSELF?

This simply takes stepping outside of ourselves and taking an objective viewpoint of ourselves; as you do with other people since you are outside of them. You notice them, you witness their emotions, their actions, what they say and decide to do.

Look at yourself this way; the same way you notice and take in others. Stare in the mirror if you have to. See yourself. Realize you are a person, you are a soul, you have a story, a heart, emotions, and here you are inhabiting a human body. You are alive, you have a mind, a mind that is capable of thinking thoughts about yourself, your body, your abilities, your life, your looks, everything. So many times we are on autopilot and not conscious of ourselves, our thoughts, our actions. If you can think thoughts about yourself then you can start to see the duality of your own make up, and from there cultivate a loving relationship with yourself; more specifically with your mind and from there stems all of your actions and choices in this life.

A big concept that has helped me with this was the idea of “re-parenting yourself”. This helped me be self-compassionate and learn how to self soothe. From there has birthed many healthy and emotionally supportive things, an emotional toolkit you could say, that I do to make myself feel better when I am down.

Most people want change. Most people have dreams. Most people have deep desires or want healthier bodies or long for attracting a lover or perhaps want a beautiful home in nature. But most people don’t care enough about themselves to put in the work to make these things happen; to bridge the gap between their life now and the things that they want. Most people have one big obstacle in the way - and that is themselves.

Since we are in a relationship with all that is, when we put the time, energy, love, attention, dedication, patience, non-judgement, understanding, compassion, and whatever else that we need into ourselves, this will naturally trickle into all of the other relationships in our lives be it with inanimate objects or people.

RELATIONSHIP WITH MONEY

I wanted to start off with this since it is often the biggest stressor in people’s lives. The good news is that we can heal our relationship to money and once we do, it will truly start coming into our lives in some really magical ways.

I didn’t realize money and I were in a toxic relationship until I discovered the teachings of Kathrin Zenkina by recommendation of my first life coach. 

Her workbook, Unleash Your Inner Money Babe and Manifest $1,000 in 21 days, helped me dig into my core beliefs around money, and uncover how unhealthy my relationship to my finances really was. I wrote a letter to money, wrote down all my limiting beliefs when it came to money, and read them out loud. I realized I was codependent on money and spent it as soon I got it. 

I did not appreciate it, I did not treat it right, I did not respect it and yet I felt undeserving of it. I did not know how to handle money when I had it yet I resented it for having so much control over me and bringing so much stress in my life. The most stress in my life than any other major life area in fact. I wanted it badly, yet hated that I needed it, I felt as if it was always so elusive and never here to stay. I felt as if it was hard to make, took a long time to save, and that it was just a game that I would never win.

I then re-wrote all of my limiting money beliefs and changed them to positive statements that were the complete opposite of my negative original ones. My letter ended with me admitting I’d like to start over with money, to respect it, handle it, prioritize it, pay attention to it, to love it and let it love me. To allow it to come into my life and stay. To receive it, save it, spend it, donate it and let the flow of money come and go as it is naturally supposed to. And most of all be open to receiving it while feeling actually deserving of it. 

This can really be applied to anything. 

Money started coming in left and right, from some predictable sources and some completely random ways I did not see coming. Now I still play an upbeat song when I check my bank account every single day and I still notice negative thought patterns around money and banish them out of my mind as soon as they come. I even appreciate coins I find in random places and I do not think to myself disrespectful thoughts about money such as “oh it’s just $5, it doesn’t really matter” - NO. It matters. All of it matters. If money matters to me, then I matter to it. Who wants to stay in your life if you do not appreciate them? Money appreciates, loves, and comes to you as much as you do for it.

*Thank you SO much, Kathrin Zenkina*

I put time and energy into my Feng Shui money corner, I choose to let go of stress whenever I think about money or the state of my job fluctuates, I remember that money is simply energy and that I am a powerful manifestor who has manifested a lot of money before and who can do it again.

It’s a never-ending journey creating new thought patterns but that’s one of the most fun parts about it. It’s just like they say about the world, the law of attraction, and manifestation - change your thoughts change your life. Change your beliefs and attitude towards money, you change your relationship with money. 

OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR PRACTICES & ROUTINES

The relationship with our practices and routines can be mistreated, neglected, and ignored. We may make empty promises to ourselves. We want a change in our lives but we don’t stay with it, make excuses, or play the victim to external circumstances. We want to grow and work on ourselves but overload our brains with so much self-help input that it overwhelms us to the point of secretly hating self-work and even at times complete inaction. We want change, we want more, we want better, happier, yet we don’t always stay committed to the actual path to these things. 

We think “I have to do xyz” today or this many times per week and we put this pressure on ourselves to do things, even good things for ourselves, but this pressure often ends up pushing us to not even want to do the things anymore at all. 

What if instead we thought to ourselves “I will do xyz whenever I genuinely feel like it” and let ourselves intuitively do the things we know we should be doing? I tried this with yoga and meditation. Instead of thinking that I had to do it, and having stress around the fact that I wasn’t being consistent with it, I told myself I will do it whenever the hell I feel like it and that’s that! And the craziest thing happened: I started becoming more consistent with my yoga practice than I ever have before. I also figured out how to encourage myself in the best way to commit to my yoga and meditation, for example first thing in the morning or at least before noon I try to do both no matter how long or short the length of time may be. I know that works for me and there is no more stress or pressure around the practices.

RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR LOOKS & BODIES

And what about the relationship with our clothes? Sounds ridiculous but we can literally have limiting beliefs around clothes and fashion. Good clothes are so hard to find. I’m so picky I can never find clothes that I like. Maybe I just don’t like my body and nothing I wear can change that.

Are we constantly changing and shifting our clothes, shoes, and our hair? Are we in harmony with the things that we choose to wear and our feelings towards our physical appearances? Or are we always trying to change ourselves for fear of the realization that underneath it all we just don’t love and accept ourselves physically as we are?

What if instead we shifted the focus on how we feel instead of how we look? One time I barely looked in a floor length mirror for about a month. Not undressed, not dressed. Just the bathroom mirror when I was getting ready for the day. It was summer and I was really starting to get active with hiking and adventuring outside. And one day I stopped and stared at myself in my bra and underwear and noticed how strong and fit I had become. I noticed for the first time that it had been so long since I looked at myself. Originally it was because I was sick of the stress and self-deprecating thoughts I’d have when I did look at myself undressed in the mirror so I just stopped doing it altogether for longer than I realized. I quit putting the energy into what I looked like so much and instead just live my life. I even became more beautiful because I was happier.

Something Krystal Aranyani mentions in her teachings is that though we are souls, though we are eternal beings, this is our one and only life being this version of us. Your name, your looks, the body you have chosen, is the only one that is exactly like this you are ever going to have. We are not the same in our other lives. So why not love ourselves, our bodies, our hair, our figure, our voice, our everything knowing it is in fact impermanent? 

If you think about it we really only see what we look like when we stare in the mirror. As we go about our day, our lives, our eyes only see what is outside of us, so why does what we look like matter as much as it does? To feel beautiful for yourself is one thing. But to obsess, constantly change, think negatively about ourselves when we really only actually see ourselves for a very small fraction of our lives, at least has helped me to remember to not invest emotionally so much in what I look like. Being happier and choosing to feel good feelings as often as we can physically makes us beautiful faster than anything else. 

OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD & HEALTH

Don’t even get me started on the relationship with food, meal planning, and grocery shopping! So much stress can be had about what to eat, how to plan, fighting urges for cravings or becoming lazy and just eating processed foods. Do we eat intuitively and when we want to eat? Or do we just eat when we’re bored or upset in excess while scrolling through Instagram and Facebook; not really being present with the flavors and deliciousness of the food? 

Taking the time to plan our meals weekly if we can and make a few larger ones makes so much difference. Taking a sensual approach to cooking *thank you *Kiele Williams for introducing this topic* and putting on relaxing music changes our energy which ends up getting put into the food we are preparing. And if you have ever meal prepped for a whole week a few large meals, a breakfast, and some snacks, you know the amazing feeling you get when you go for meals throughout the day and all you have to do is pop stuff in the oven or warm stuff up on the stove.

WHAT A RELIEF!!!

Hanging this on the fridge helps a lot when it comes to staying consistent with a balanced diet; A healthy & balanced diet is: legumes, grains, beans, fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds. 

That’s it! Literally that is all. And there are all sorts of resources and ideas for meal prepping on youtube - especially for vegans like myself. Tips, tricks, hacks, meal ideas, on the go ideas, 10 ingredient meal prep videos, snacks, holiday dishes, how to stick with veganism, what staples to have on hand, and more. *For my Beginner’s Complete Guide to Going Vegan click the “Goodies & E-Guides tab”.*

**Also hanging up the foods and workouts per phase for healing PMS symptoms helps too. Not only because they are constant reminders of the things you want to practice more of but also because they will engrain themselves in your subconscious minds so during those times when you’re accidentally running on autopilot you will go for a more balanced eating style. For how to heal all PMS symptoms, find my Heal All PMS guide under the “Goodies & E-Guides” tab & grab a copy of the book In the Flo by Alyssa Vitti.**

RELATIONSHIP WITH THE UNIVERSE

Oftentimes we don’t turn to the Universe unless things are falling apart. When we feel down sometimes we may not turn to our practices and rituals. Or the opposite can ensue, when we are feeling good and things are going great we can think that we don’t really need to be as devoted. 

Sometimes when it comes to rituals and practices we pressure ourselves into a finite routine and stick with it like a robot. If you are a woman, and you have ventured into healing PMS, embracing your cyclical nature, and have ditched the toxic birth control, you know that you are a cyclical being with different hormone and energy levels throughout the month and staying with a rigid routine is just against your natural make up. 

There could be many reasons we fall off, but the most important part is that we just get back on. No moping around and beating yourself up for falling off, move on, recommit, change your practices around because they can evolve as you evolve *thank you Divine Feminine Life Coach. And some practices will always remain, for me it is yoga, journaling, meditation in silence for 30-60 minutes, and taking some very decadent baths (don’t you judge me). Oh, also getting deep into nature as often as I feel like. 

Starting first thing in the morning or at the very latest by noon has personally helped me stay on top of my practices and also sets me up for such a great day. Evening routines and rituals can be just as enjoyable, and help clear our energy fields before sleep so that no residual energy slithers into our dreams *thank you Divine Feminine Life Coach.

*Some rituals, practices, and routines for ideas; yoga be it yin, vinyasa, vin to yin, or restorative. Meditation in silence or guided, baths, salt baths but not epsom salt, real salt to clear energy. Walks, reading, bedtime yoga, candles, writing, journaling, visualization, mirror work, forgiveness exercises, stretching, music, tea, food, essential oils, gratitude exercises, chakra breathing, crystal aura cleansing, setting an intention.

OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR MINDS

This is THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE. The first step is awareness. Awareness of thoughts is the start of changing thoughts. This takes a lot of work, and can be a big downer as you start to notice how negative your thoughts may be. Even if you are presenting a happy, vivacious, positive and optimistic person to the world sometimes we may not even know how bad our thoughts are. Letting the shitty thoughts go as fast as they come will help with dispensing them. Doing limiting belief work will help with this too. But also remember it is perfectly normal and healthy to have a shadow side, to have negative thoughts, to feel heavy emotions and process them. I can’t stress this enough. Suppressing negativity is also toxic.

Anything that grounds you and allows you to slow down will work wonders for your mind as well, since the mind is constantly going, it has built up so much momentum, it is hard to stop. But if we slow it down, and give it less to feed off of by practicing meditation, yoga, or any other deeply grounding & relaxing activities, it becomes weaker and starts to diminish slightly. 

If you have ever experienced what Eckhart Tolle calls “no mind” you know just what I’m describing. Having complete quiet and emptiness in the mind truly feels incredible, you almost gain more senses. I hear things with my entire body, I get goosebumps just from breathing, tons of inspiration and ideas flow into my mind from who knows where, and when I let go and go real deep into it I barely feel my body or my skin anymore; as if there is no layer of separation between me and everything else that exists. 

Another great way to ‘hack the mind’ so to speak, is to dig into your core limiting beliefs. These beliefs are often the culprits for certain negative thought patterns.

A Limiting Beliefs Release exercise; write down all your beliefs about a certain topic. Then after all of them have come out - no judging - rewrite them to the opposite. An empowering statement that is not cliche, not an affirmation from Pinterest, just an opposite belief that you create for yourself and that feels true for you. 

Reading these daily for a while will really help with massive mindset shifts. But as I say with affirmations, read them or put them where you see them daily but only temporarily. Read them until you feel them, and then get rid of them and just live them. Because if we constantly read them and keep feeling like we need to reming ourselves of them that is coming from a place of lack. 

Constantly feeling like you must read affirmations can partially block you from feeling, believing, and just living those new beliefs. Chronically reading affirmations is coming from a place of lack. If you really want to feel those ways and believe those things, practice living them; practice embodying them. 

Affirmations are more powerful when they are re-written limiting beliefs but we should get to a place where we no longer have to convince ourselves of them.

Another way to cultivate an amazing mindset is to listen to a sleep affirmation meditation. My favorite one is Self-Love, Gratitude, & Universal Connection by Rising Higher Meditation on YouTube and Apple Music. This will slowly rewire your brain and seep into your subconscious since it is wide open when you are asleep. Listening to this for 30 nights straight - longer if you want to - will create huge mindset shifts without any effort on your part.

There are honestly so many ways to cultivate a healthy mindset and I could go on and on for this topic! There are resources, activities, rituals, practices, meditations, books, teachings, teachers, self-inquiry, self-awareness, journaling exercises - you just find what works for you and stay with it until you start to notice the changes. Making a list of things that naturally guide your mindset into a more positive landscape is really helpful too. I call it a Resource List that I can turn to when I am feeling down or wanting to shift. Shifting is simply a choice and we must remember that. Let yourself feel any and all negative emotions of course, but then get back up, choose to feel good, choose to think good. 

Your mind is the root of everything in your life, it is where it all begins, and it is also part of what attracts your entire reality - the other part is your emotions. 

But if we can get to a good state of mind, change the negative thoughts we are having after letting ourselves experience them, and deeply reconstruct our core beliefs, we will see a massive shift in all ways that will naturally trickle out into all other major life areas and relationships.

I hope you loved this article.