6 Things that Help with Decision Making

Decision-making is a hot topic in coaching, as I’m sure you can imagine! Decisions are all around us, every single day. Some are big decisions - like moving, a relationship, taking a job, quitting a job, etc. Others are smaller, like what workouts we should do, if we should cut back our hours at work, what type of haircut we want to try. Whatever type of decision you’re considering making, here are some things that will help you gain clarity which will make the decision-making process so much easier.

Think about your highest values - these are things that are the most important to you in your life. Your values are like a guiding compass, they can be the filter through which you run your decisions through, perhaps asking yourself: does this support my highest values?

If you aren’t sure what your values are, here are some examples to get you thinking: Health, stability, safety, security, freedom, nature, adventure, travel, peace, happiness, love, connection, community, sustainability, personal growth, family, friends, money, contribution, generosity, kindness, compassion, etc.

Use your highest values when making decisions, that way you can quickly assess whether or not this decision is truly right for you. For example, perhaps a decision to start a business works for you, because you value freedom and you have a high risk tolerance. But if some of your highest values are safety, security, consistency, etc, then being a business owner with fluctuating income might not work for you.

If you’re living against one or more of your values, this is where inner conflict can come in. If you value your health but you’re not implementing healthy habits consistently, this will cause stress. Use your values to get back into alignment with what you really want.

I always suggest choosing up to 5 highest values to live by, but you can choose more if you like.

What’s the belief in the way? Ask yourself this question when you are stuck because I believe it is one of the most powerful questions there is! Oftentimes when we are stuck there is a belief in the way.

For example: “I can’t lose weight because I’ve tried everything” or “I can’t switch jobs because I have no idea what else I would do for work.” Although. these beliefs are valid and they are understandable to have, they are not always true! Our thoughts are not facts, but they are all valid and allowed to be there. When we can catch and lovingly challenge our own thoughts and beliefs, a way appears even when we think there isn’t one. So I invite you to practice asking this to yourself to catch the belief in the way.

After you catch it, come up with a new belief that feels better. That feels more open, more possible, yet believable. Here are some for the above examples: “Maybe there are things I’ve never even heard of that I can try to lose weight” and “I can figure out what I want to do for work with some guidance.” These new beliefs open the door to possibilities while being realistic and believable. Practice shifting your beliefs when it comes to making decisions.

Practice trusting yourself more - easier said than done, right? But hear me out! Self-trust is a muscle. The more we practice trusting ourselves, the easier it gets. A higher level of self-trust equates to an easier time with making decisions. When we trust ourselves, we aren’t agonizing over which decisions are the “right” decisions for us.

So how do we practice self-trust? Well, first I’d be curious to know what comes to mind for you; what could you do to boost your level of self-trust? What needs to be addressed in order for you to trust yourself more? Really sit with these questions because the answers will look different for everyone.

Go out there, take risks, make decisions, and see how they go. Course correct as you go along. Make sure you give yourself time and experience to see that you can make good decisions for yourself. If you stay in freeze mode and don’t decide anything at all, you aren’t giving your brain any proof that you can make good decisions for yourself.

Throw out the words “right” and “wrong” and use these words instead - phrases like “right” and “wrong” are so black and white, yet life, humans, nothing in this world is black and white. We also can’t always know what the “right” or “wrong” decision will be until after we decide and see what happens.

I invite you to start using the words “aligned” and “unaligned.” Sometimes we make decisions that align with who we are, what we want, and our values, and other times we make decisions that go against those things. And that’s okay, because we’re only human. But practice different phrases, because the words “right” and “wrong” tend to bring stress and they are not accurate words that are very helpful when it comes to deciding things.

Also, remember there is so much power in course correcting. If you make a decision that doesn’t pan out, you always have the power and ability to adjust until things feel right for you. You are never stuck or trapped in a wrong decision, even if it feels that way. Your power lies in your mindset and your decisions that follow.

Reassure the part of you that is unsure - parts work is in an incredible modality that can help us in any type of situation, especially decision-making. Practice acknowledging the part of you that is unsure or stressed out in the situation you are in. Recognize that this is just a part of you and it is not the whole you. Maybe you name this part the “unsure part” or the “stressed part” or the “indecisive part”.

Now, bring in the wise, strong, confident, loving part of you and talk to that unsure part of you with it. Reassure yourself, remind yourself of things that make you feel better, prep yourself up with a pep talk, this sounds cheesy but when you actually experience this and do it consistently, it will change your life for the better. Talk to yourself as a loving friend or parent would in your mind, and keep the awareness that this unsure part of you is just a part of you and there are other stronger parts of you that can help this unsure part of you.

This will bring you comfort, reassurance, peace, safety, hope, and more confidence. This will remind you that things will be okay and that you will figure this situation out. You will also grow this stronger, loving, wise part of you to be bigger than the unsure part of you as you practice this over time. This allows you to show up as the best version of yourself more often and trust yourself more.

If you’d like to explore more about parts work, grab No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz This modality was invented 40 years ago in the psychotherapy industry and has been taking the world by storm because it’s so effective so quickly.

What’s the space or state that you want to make decisions from? These are powerful questions to ask yourself. Take stock of the state that you usually make choices from. Is it stress? Confusion? Anger? Self-doubt? Is it usually quick or rushed? Is it from a place of anxiety? There’s no shame here. Just notice the default space from which you usually make choices.

Now choose the space from which you want to start making decisions from. Is it peace? Self-trust? Relaxation or calm? Maybe you want to make choices more slowly? Now think about what could help you get into this desired state, this new state from which you want to make decisions from. The state you’re in is going to impact the quality of your choices.

I hope you found this article to be helpful. If you’re struggling with some big decisions in life around health or career, I welcome you to reach out to chat about coaching, which can bring you loads of clarity, confidence, and strategies to get you healthier and doing work you love.