so much of what we do (& don’t do) is to not make someone else mad

But why though?

I was asking myself earlier today in a mani pedi session when I was afraid to tell the lady that she rubbed one of my painted nails.

Why are we so afraid to speak up and say what we think, feel, or even give feedback on something. Even to say no thank you to something is stressful sometimes. I feel like a lot of us are people pleasers and we don’t eve know it.

I used to pride myself on not being a people pleaser, I felt as if I looked out for myself pretty well and communicated consciously, kindly, and openly at the same time.

But with some things, some people, in some situations, and in some environments…apparently I can be people pleasing and afraid of potential conflict!

And that is really okay. It stems from a fear of their reaction. If you had parents that had a shotgun style temper, then you might naturally be afraid to speak up, give someone feedback about something, tell them no, or point out something they have done wrong. But it’s not your fault. A lot of us have become hypersensitive to any sort of criticism, even delivered in a nice way. But criticism can be so valuable as it can be used as feedback to grow and information for improvement. But not everybody will see it that way.

We are afraid to say how we feel because we are afraid the person will get mad at us. Am I right?

We are so afraid of that reaction. But why? Because at the very root of it, then people will be mad at us and we will be alone. And being alone equates to death basically on a deeper, biological level.

But the truth is, we have to speak up. We have to push ourselves to say something the moment we begin to not want to say something. As soon as she said “yeah” (my nail lady) in a tone that told me she already knew she bumped my nail I said “okay, wanted to make sure you knew” and it was a done deal after that.

It was such a small interaction, but it is the principle here my friends. If you can do this about a freaking finger nail then you sure as hell can do it about something a whole lot bigger. And the more you work with someone as you are pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone and speaking up, the more you communicate with them, the more you talk it out together, and the more you match their tone of voice and overall demeanor…the easier and better this gets.

It starts to become liberal - having these often uncomfortable conversations. But if you can navigate through it with deep breaths, staying grounded, and really hearing, seeing, and acknowledging each other, you both will feel so much better afterwards.

It’s as Dr. Joe Dispenza says - the author of Becoming Supernatural - our energies are actually the strongest form of communication. Not our nonverbal body language either. Our actual aura - or electromagnetic fields as the scientists like to call them lol - actually interact with each other and so when something is off our core being feels and knows it and so does the soul of the other person or people involved.

If you are acting like you are okay or if you are silently raging inside…the other person is going to feel it. Our auras even communicate with each other up to 10 feet!

So even the moment you feel something is off and you’re sitting there in analysis paralysis questioning yourself if you should say something and how you should say it and if now is appropriate to say it - just do it. And do it nicely.

Because we cannot live our lives trying to not stress out or piss off the next person we encounter. This will benefit them and you. And it starts with the little things. Like fingernails.

I hope you loved this article.